censored
Not everything I write for Bachelor Chow over at CD Kitchen is published. Apparently my column for this week was too racey. I was trying to come up with something relevant for Mother's Day. Oh well. I reckon I can post it here! It's not that offensive, is it?
Mom's Nutritious and Disposable Organ!
As we wind toward the glorious day of Mama-luv, I thought you bachelors might enjoy learning a bit about placentophagia. No, it's not a Nu-Metal band. No, it's not a kinky dance move or a cousin of the swine flu virus. Rather, it's placenta eating! That's right: all kinds of animals eat the placenta after their offspring are done using it. Some animals eat it for nutrients, some to hide the scent from predators. And some animals eat it because it is thought to ward off illnesses, ease postpartum depression, and even jump-start the life force juice. Dem animals are us!
What is the placenta, you ask? Well, it's the only human organ that develops specifically for being thrown away after it has done its job. It's the blob-like thing attached to the umbilical cord at birth. Basically, the placenta starts growing about twelve weeks after a woman gets pregnant. Its job is to assist the growing baby with obtaining nutrients and hormones, and, well, to help dispose of waste (cause you know, if it grows, it's giving up something: for plants, that's oxygen, and for people, well, it's number one and two).
Like music, the placenta is a gift that keeps on giving. Even though it's pretty much finished after the baby is born, because the discarded organ is so nutrient-rich, it can be used to "feed" a lot of things, from plants to people! In some cultures the proud parents bury the placenta in the ground, and then a year later (after the powerful, much-too-strong nutrients have become less concentrated) plant a tree or plant of some sort in the same spot so that this organ can continue to sustain life. In Chinese culture the placenta is dried out, ground up, and put into capsules to take for medicinal purposes. And in some enlightened cultures, the placenta is mixed with whipped cream and put in a wading pool for wrestling lubricant.
Naw, I'm just joshing with that one—had you goin' for a second, though, didn't I?
Of course, as I've written about numerous occasions this year, people eat the darndest things (e.g., the Easter Bunny, Jesus, etc.), and placenta is one of those things. Just do an Internet search with the key words "placenta" and "recipes" and you'll easily find tips for making placenta lasagna, cocktails, stews and roasts. Unfortunately, finding yourself a placenta is something of a challenge (especially if you're a bachelor, which means you not likely to have one around for Mother's day). It's not like you can buy placenta at the local farmers market. So, let's talk about a different organ that you can find at the grocery store: liver!
Liver is a pretty big organ, and people have been eating the livers of animals for centuries. It makes bile, which aids in digesting, as well as processes toxins and so forth. Unfortunately, if a critter ain't got a liver, it’s a goner. Most liver is consumed as spreads—liver pâtés and foie gras—or chopped and fried (KFC used to sell this, but I don't think they do anymore) or in sausages. In general, I don't much care for liver (or any organs on my plate, for that matter), but I have been persuaded by my friend Barry that it can be quite tasty . . . as long as you add booze to it! (er, I mean in preparation, not via drinking booze for your own liver). So, here's Barry's recipe for a yummy liver spread; you can serve it on mothers' day and joke that it is a placenta mousse (but tell them eventually it's, you know, actually chicken liver).
BARRY'S LUCIOUS CHICKEN LIVER MOUSSE
Serves 8 (as appetizer)
2 tubs of chicken livers
1 stick of butter
3-4 green onions + stems, chopped
1 pint of heavy cream
salt and pepper to taste
1-4 teaspoons of tarragon, to taste
½ cup of cognac or brandy
Melt the butter, then cook the livers and onion on moderate heat, turning often to avoid burning the livers for about seven to ten minutes. Let the livers firm up, then let them cool to room temperature in the pan. While the livers are cooling, whip a small container of whipping cream until it is stiff. Now, pour the cooled livers into a food processor, add 1 tablespoon salt, pepper, tarragon. Add one half cup cognac or brandy. Blend until totally smooth. Then add in the whipping cream and blend again until totally smooth.
Barry says that this will be very soupy, but that you should not despair! Pour the mousse into nice containers (like a custard up or ramekin you can serve from them) that you can cover tightly and put in fridge for at least 4 hours. "It will set up nicely," writes Barry. "This can be done ahead of time and it keeps and the flavors meld as it sits, within reason. The salt and brandy preserve it. Serve with crackers or crunch French bread."